What Was the Last Thing You Did That Was Out of Character?
The question arrived just as I was drifting off to sleep.
Instead of falling asleep, my mind woke up.
I knew my alarm would ring at 4:30 the next morning, but the question wouldn’t leave me alone.
So I got out of bed and started writing.
What was the last thing you did that was out of character?
The next morning I shared the question online.
One gentleman replied that he’d recently lost his temper.
“It was out of character,” he said.
I smiled and simply responded,
“We’ve all been there.”
Not because I wanted to dismiss it.
Because I wondered.
Tell me more.
Not publicly.
Just quietly to myself.
What happened?
What led up to it?
What did that moment have to teach him?
Sometimes what appears to be out of character is simply life asking us to pay attention.
Not to judge ourselves.
To become curious.
The Characters We Play
The more I sat with this question, the more I realized how attached we become to the idea of who we are.
“This is just who I am.”
We say it with such certainty.
But what if that’s only one version of us?
Throughout our lives we learn roles.
The responsible one.
The funny one.
The strong one.
The people pleaser.
The rebel.
The peacemaker.
The independent woman.
The perfectionist.
None of these are bad.
In fact, many of them served us beautifully for a season.
The trouble begins when we believe the role is the whole woman.
When we stop exploring because we’ve already decided who we are.
I Had My Own Character
Watching my mother be abandoned when I was young shaped me in ways I didn’t understand until much later.
Without realizing it, I created a character.
She didn’t need anyone.
She wasn’t soft.
She wasn’t vulnerable.
She wasn’t going to let anyone tell her what to do.
At the time, I thought that was strength.
Looking back, I can see she was protecting something much more tender.
She helped me survive.
But eventually she no longer fit the woman I wanted to become.
An Invitation to Play
When I stopped drinking twenty-three years ago, I wasn’t only letting go of alcohol.
I was given something much more exciting.
Permission to play.
I had no idea who I wanted to become.
How could I?
As I’ve often said,
You don’t know what you don’t know.
So instead of trying to figure myself out once and for all, I became curious.
How do I want to move through the world?
How do I want people to experience me?
What feels true today?
What if I tried being softer?
What if I listened more?
What if I laughed more easily?
What if I let myself be wrong?
None of those questions demanded permanent answers.
They were simply invitations to explore.
Children don’t discover themselves by deciding who they are.
They discover themselves through play.
Why should adulthood be any different?
Less Rehearsed. More Alive.
I wonder if many of us spend our lives rehearsing.
Trying to impress.
Trying to be right.
Trying to be noticed.
Trying to fit the role we’ve always played.
What if, instead, we simply became more open?
Open to surprising ourselves.
Open to changing our minds.
Open to discovering a tenderness we didn’t know was there.
Open to realizing we’ve quietly outgrown an old way of moving through the world.
Perhaps being “out of character” isn’t always a mistake.
Perhaps sometimes it’s the first glimpse of someone who’s been waiting patiently beneath the script.
Your Story Isn’t Finished
This is why I ask questions.
Not because I have answers.
Not because I think you should become someone else.
I ask them because questions loosen the script.
They remind us that life is still unfinished.
That there are still parts of us we haven’t met.
That there are still rooms within us we haven’t opened.
So I’ll leave you with the same question that pulled me out of bed.
What was the last thing you did that was out of character?
Before you rush to explain it away…
Sit with it.
Wonder about it.
Pull the thread.
Maybe it wasn’t out of character at all.
Maybe it was the moment you became just a little less rehearsed…
…and a little more alive.
