Between Retreat and Urgency: The Sacred Pause Where Light Returns

I wasn’t supposed to hold Week Two of Return to Light the way I did.

A family emergency meant I couldn’t gather live, and when I realized no one had registered, I decided to move through the chapters alone — not as a presentation, but as a practice.

I’ve learned to trust these moments.
They often reveal something quieter and truer.

This week’s chapters explore two very human responses that arise when a woman begins to sense that something in her life needs attention.

The First Response: Retreat

In Chapter Three, Hiding from the Light, I talk about how women often retreat when the unknown feels threatening.

Not because they’re weak.
Not because they’re complacent.
But because fear narrows our range of light.

When women imagine change, they often paint it with a dark brush — loss, destruction, loneliness, regret. And so they stay. They tolerate. They numb. They convince themselves that nothing else is possible.

What I’ve learned, walking beside women for over fifteen years, is that retreat isn’t resistance to growth — it’s fear of imagined endings.

And imagined endings rarely tell the truth.

Lasting transformation doesn’t come from dramatic exits or earth-shaking decisions.
It starts small.
It builds.
It begins with the willingness to stop pretending everything is fine.

The Second Response: Urgency

Chapter Four, Chasing After Prisms, explores the other extreme.

Instead of retreating, some women run — fast — toward anything that promises relief.

A new identity.
A new program.
A new body.
A new relationship.
A new version of themselves designed to prove something.

This response can be energizing. It can even be effective — for a while.

But when the motivation is rooted in reaction, revenge, or escape, the result is often hollow. The light looks brighter from a distance, but it isn’t grounded in who she actually wants to be.

Food, alcohol, scrolling, shopping — these were never the problem.
They were signals.
Signals that something in her wanted to live more fully.

The Sacred Middle

Between retreat and urgency lives something rarely honored.

The pause.

The pause between reaction and choice.

This is where a woman stops asking, “How do I make this go away?”
And starts asking, “Who do I want to be — and how would she live?”

Not in all-or-nothing terms.
Not with rigid rules or fear-based decisions.
But with clarity, agency, and self-trust.

When I chose to stop drinking years ago, it wasn’t because I had a plan.
It wasn’t for safety or certainty.
It was because I wanted to be clear-minded.
I wanted to make decisions on purpose.

That recognition — this is my choice — is where empowerment begins.

Your Light Has Not Gone Anywhere

When we numb, avoid, or disconnect, our light may dim — but it never disappears.

Your light is still there.
It can always be stoked.

With love.
With inspired thought.
With intentional action.
With honest reflection.

You do not need to decide everything today.
You do not need to fix yourself.
You do not need to run or hide.

You are allowed to pause.

And inside that pause, you may discover that the life you want isn’t waiting somewhere else —
it’s waiting for you to trust yourself again.

You are so loved.

— Teresa