Rock Bottom Isn’t Necessary
Why Willingness, Not Suffering, Is What Creates Real Change
There’s a message that keeps circulating—quietly embedded in books, conversations, and recovery culture—and it goes something like this:
You have to hit rock bottom before you can change.
I recently finished a popular, trending book—not about addiction specifically—but the idea appeared again. That familiar refrain. Alongside it, another statement I’ve heard many times over the years:
Drinking has to become more painful than not drinking.
I want to pause here.
Because for many women, that framing doesn’t just miss the mark—it prolongs suffering.
Alcohol Isn’t the Villain—Numbing Is
When I stopped drinking nearly 23 years ago, alcohol itself didn’t suddenly become more painful than sobriety.
What was painful was this:
Ignoring the hard things in my life.
Numbing instead of tending.
Disconnecting instead of listening.
Alcohol didn’t create the pain—it soothed it. Temporarily. That’s why it worked.
And I want to say this clearly and compassionately:
For many women, alcohol isn’t the problem.
It’s the solution they found when nothing else felt available.
The Moment That Changed Everything
I could have kept drinking.
I could have numbed more deeply.
I could have stayed disconnected.
Instead, there was a moment—small, quiet, but powerful—in an emergency room.
A doctor looked at me not as a diagnosis.
Not as a disease.
Not as “an alcoholic.”
He saw a woman.
A human being with agency.
And something flickered alive inside me:
I don’t have to be who I’ve been.
I can change this.
And it starts with me.
That moment didn’t come from rock bottom.
It came from being seen.
Why I Do This Work
That’s why I came into coaching.
Not to treat a disease.
Not to battle alcohol.
Not to convince anyone of a label.
But to sit with the woman underneath it all and ask:
- Who else could you be?
- What else might be possible?
- What’s asking for your attention—not your avoidance?
Waiting for Rock Bottom Often Creates More Pain
Here’s what concerns me about the “rock bottom” narrative:
If you’re waiting for permission to change—
waiting for things to get worse—
waiting until you’ve suffered enough—
you may be enduring far more pain than necessary.
Change does not have to be violent.
Awakening does not require devastation.
You can gently explore.
You can get curious.
You can uncover what’s driving the impulse to numb—without shame, without abstinence as the goal, without a finish line you’re afraid of.
A Simple, Logical Question
Let’s look at this practically.
If you ever think, “I might have a problem—I can’t seem to stick to my decision not to drink,” ask yourself this:
When something truly matters—when your full presence is required—are you capable of not drinking?
Most women I work with are.
If a child needed to go to the hospital, you wouldn’t stop for wine.
You wouldn’t need alcohol to show up.
And you’re the woman I’m speaking to.
Willingness Matters More Than Wanting
Another phrase I hear often is:
“You have to want it.”
I don’t fully agree.
You don’t have to want sobriety.
You don’t have to crave a new identity.
You don’t have to be certain.
What you do need is willingness.
Willingness to examine.
Willingness to explore.
Willingness to ask, “What’s really going on here?”
Curiosity can carry you farther than force ever will.
Inspiration Changes Everything
When women reconnect to inspiration—
when they begin imagining who they could become—
when aspiration replaces self-judgment—
something shifts naturally.
The reliance softens.
The grip loosens.
The need to numb fades—not because it was forbidden, but because something truer took its place.
A Wholly Different Way Forward
Rock bottom is not required.
Suffering is not a prerequisite for growth.
You don’t need to surrender your agency, your thinking, or your identity to change your life.
You need space.
You need tenderness.
You need permission to explore.
Not toward abstinence as a trophy—
but toward a whole self.
And from wholeness, everything else reorganizes.
You are so loved.
Teresa Rodden Return to Light
About the Author
Teresa Rodden is the author of Return to Light and the creator of the Return to Light Gatherings and 28 Day Return to Light, a transformative approach for women in their prime who feel disconnected, numb, or quietly trapped in lives that no longer reflect who they’ve become. For over fifteen years, Teresa has helped women release numbing habits, reconnect with their inner light, and discover new possibilities without labels, shame, or recovery culture. Her work offers a safe, judgment-free space for women to explore their truth, honor their deepest knowing, and choose the life their soul is asking for. Teresa believes every woman carries a light meant to guide her home to herself — and that it’s never too late to begin again.
