Dear John to alcohol

Dear John, uh-hum, alcohol, it’s not me, it’s you!

Maybe it is me? It doesn’t matter, either way, it’s over!

Writing a Dear John to alcohol was part of the process for me to let go of my struggle with alcohol and take charge of my life.

I know what you’re thinking, what runs through your mind considering a life without alcohol. I know the connection. The trustworthiness. The relationship.

If I’m alone, it doesn’t feel so alone when I have my bottle buddy with me. When I’m worried my therapist pouring out of a Coors light bottle could calm me. Have nothing to do on the weekend, just add alcohol, it’ll spice it enough. Have a bad day booze can take it away. Have a good day no better way to celebrate. It’s a sunny, rainy, windy, foggy, sunny with a chance of rain, rainy with a chance of sun, liquor will make it better day.

When did it all go wrong?
Why couldn’t it just slow down and not be so needy?
When did the remorse the day after become, at times, so unbearable?

Was it when I started realizing I’m not present with my kids? Did I kiss them goodbye last night? Wish I wasn’t so short with them.

Maybe it was when I began losing my edge at work? Late again. Missed a deadline. Head is foggy. What if I lose my job?

How about when I said or did something extremely hurtful to someone I love and can hardly remember it? Why did I say or do that? If only I could take it back.

Could it have been the lies I told my husband to ease his concern, and now I feel a divide? Am I losing him?

When I drove home and don’t remember it? I could have killed someone. A child. A family. Me.

I was deeply involved with a bad influence who was charming, promising, and liar.

I almost felt like I was losing my mind. I would be so resolved to end it and like an old friend, it would come calling and make everything better if only for a few hours. I was deeply involved with a bad influence who was charming, promising, and liar.

The morning after the last time I drank I wrote alcohol a Dear John letter. I have thoroughly enjoyed living sober for many years. I’m not saying I haven’t had heartbreak, anger, or gripping fear in my life, but I face all life challenges with confidence and strength. I know I will rise through it, and life is about ebb and flow. As they say, “This too shall pass.”

If you’re interested in reading my Dear John, send me your email address through the contact link and in the subject write “Dear John.”