Identity Beyond Addiction: Creating a Life That Makes You Feel Alive

Why Defining Yourself is Impossible—And Why That’s a Good Thing

Have you ever felt like you’re constantly trying to define yourself, only to realize that the definition keeps changing? Alan Watts likens this to trying to bite your own teeth—a paradox that perfectly captures the challenge of self-discovery. Just as biting your own teeth is impossible, capturing the full essence of your identity can be just as elusive. Our identity is ever-evolving, shaped by experiences, relationships, and the moments that challenge us. I remember when I first questioned what I had been told about recovery—it changed everything. Consider a woman who once identified solely as a mother, but as her children grew and became independent, she discovered a passion for writing and community advocacy—realizing that her identity could expand beyond roles she once held. Our experiences continuously reshape how we see ourselves. Rather than trying to define ourselves in a rigid way, Watts’ words encourage embracing the journey of self-exploration with openness and curiosity.

Challenging Traditional Recovery Narratives

In my work, I encourage women to unlearn what they’ve been programmed to believe—particularly the societal norms and expectations surrounding addiction and recovery. Traditional recovery often labels habitual behavior as addiction, an incurable disease. But what if we stepped outside this narrative?

When I chose my own path to healing, I did so without adopting traditional recovery language or believing that I had a disease. This March, I celebrate 22 years without alcohol, not because I followed a prescribed method, but because I was deeply curious about who I could be without numbing my emotions with alcohol.

Alan Watts’ perspective reminds us that identity is not fixed.

Identity Beyond Addiction: Creating a Life That Makes You Feel Alive

Recovery shouldn’t be either. Traditional recovery models often emphasize abstinence as the only path, defining success by the number of days without a substance. My approach, however, focuses on curiosity and self-exploration rather than rigid definitions. Instead of striving for perfection, I encourage women to reconnect with themselves, make intentional choices, and define their own version of healing. A one-size-fits-all approach can often cause more harm than good. True healing comes when we recognize that our journeys are unique, and the more loosely we hold onto rigid definitions of ourselves, the more we can grow and evolve.

The Freedom of an Open Identity

The more I’ve released the need to define myself, the more I’ve been able to expand. If we are lucky, we develop core values that guide us, helping us make choices with peace, confidence, and calm. But to truly be alive, we must be willing to evolve—right up until our last breath.

To move through life with an open heart means embracing possibilities, being willing to change our minds, and making intentional choices that contribute to who we want to become. This is what I offer women who are questioning their drinking or other habits that keep them from living fully.

Maybe you’re just beginning to question your drinking. Maybe you’ve done a few Dry Januarys but still feel a nagging sense that something isn’t right. Maybe you’ve struggled with abstinence for years, but the idea of never drinking again feels daunting, if not impossible. If so, you’re not alone.

A Different Approach to Recovery

I am not a drink monitor. I won’t count the days you abstain, nor will I judge whether you drink or not. My role is to help you explore, identify, and create a path toward a life that makes you feel fulfilled, inspired, and alive. Recovery is not about deprivation; it’s about motivation and inspiration, rooted in your deepest desires—not external rules or expectations.

At Resolve Coaching, I help women grow through P.A.I.N.—Persistent Apathy with an Inclination to Numb. One woman I worked with had spent decades believing she was powerless over alcohol, feeling trapped in an identity that didn’t fit. Through our coaching, she shifted her focus from simply avoiding drinking to rediscovering what truly lit her up—painting, travel, and deep personal connections. As she moved away from the idea of “fixing” herself and instead embraced self-discovery, she found joy, purpose, and confidence in a way she never thought possible. Her journey, like so many others, proves that healing is not about adhering to a strict framework but about uncovering the life that makes you feel truly alive. The habit itself is not the problem; the prize—the sense of fulfillment and purpose—is what matters. For women in their prime, that prize isn’t always obvious. It takes time, intention, and practice to uncover it.

Steps to Start Your Journey

You don’t need to follow my process, though it can help you get there faster. But here are some simple steps to begin:

  1. Be open to the possibility that what I share is true. If you’ve fought against traditional recovery narratives for a long time, believing in yourself might feel impossible—but it isn’t.
  2. Challenge your beliefs. Is what you believe about yourself true? Is it always true? Have there been moments when it wasn’t?
  3. Change your language. Instead of saying, I can’t drink, say, I don’t drink. Own your choices.
  4. Daydream. Let yourself imagine a future that may feel out of reach. Possibility begins with imagination.
  5. Write it down. Define who you want to be.
  6. Take three tiny steps toward that future self. Never underestimate the power of small movements forward.
  7. Grow forward. You are always evolving—lean into what makes you smile, feel warm, and gives you hope.
  8. Repeat. This journey is ongoing, not a destination.

You Are Not Alone

There are countless insights I could share from my personal experience and the hundreds of hours I’ve worked with women who wanted to break free from the grip of alcohol and reclaim their confidence. But the most important thing to know is this: You are not alone, and your path is yours to define.

I’d love to hear from you—have you ever questioned a label placed on you? What did you discover? Share your thoughts in the comments! And if you want more reflections like this, follow me here on Medium or connect with me on Instagram for daily inspiration. Check out my latest post on redefining recovery and the small steps that lead to big transformations. Join the conversation and connect with a community of women embracing change!

About the Author

Teresa Rodden is a coach and writer dedicated to helping women in their prime reconnect with their true selves and create lives of purpose and meaning. As the creator of the 28 Day Resolve program, she offers compassionate support for those seeking recovery from harmful patterns, including overuse of alcohol, food, or other behaviors. Her work focuses on reducing stigma and shame, encouraging women to embrace their brilliance, and guiding them toward a path of authenticity and fulfillment. Connect with Teresa for inspiration and practical tools to rediscover your best self.