I Want a Say: The Power of Flexibility in Recovery and Life

Recovery is often framed as a rigid path—one where you follow a set of rules, do what others have done before you, and surrender to a predetermined system. But what happens when that structure feels suffocating instead of supportive?

Recently, a client had a revelation that struck me deeply. As we talked about her recovery journey, she simply said, “I want a say.”

It was such a clear, powerful statement. I’ve heard many things over the years, but this was different. Women, especially those in their prime, have spent so much of their lives handing over authority—to husbands, employers, society, and even recovery programs. They’ve asked me to just tell them what to do. But that’s not my approach. True empowerment comes from learning to trust yourself, not following another set of rigid rules.

The Problem with Rigidity

In traditional recovery, you often don’t get a say. You do what everyone else does. You follow the program exactly as it’s laid out. And if you relapse? It feels like a break rather than a bend—a catastrophic failure rather than a moment of learning and growth. But what if we saw recovery as something flexible? Something that allows you to bend without breaking?

Flexibility allows for wholeness, for evolution, and for enjoying the process of growth—even when that growth means letting go of a coping mechanism that once served you.

Women in Their Prime: A Time to Stretch, Not Stay Stuck

For many women in their prime—those who have raised children, built careers, and spent decades fulfilling roles dictated by others—there comes a moment of realization: I have been stuck in a corner.

People expect us to stay the same. Our spouses, our children, our communities—they see us as who we’ve been for the last 20 or 30 years. But inside, there’s a voice saying, Wait. I haven’t had a chance to breathe. Give me space. Let me stretch. That voice is your spirit, your soul, the essence of who you were meant to be.

Shifting from Rigid Systems to a Flexible, Self-Directed Approach

Women in this stage of life think differently. They come to conclusions differently. Instead of looking for a black-and-white answer, they need a process of inquiry—an approach that allows them to explore and discover rather than conform.

This is why the coaching process I use is built on curiosity rather than commands. Instead of telling a woman what to do, I ask her:

• What direction feels right for you?
• Why do you think you’ve chosen certain coping mechanisms?
• How can you navigate this next step in a way that aligns with your true self?

This process isn’t about forcing an answer—it’s about melting into the system of self. It’s about responding authentically instead of trying to fit into someone else’s framework.

Why I Still Talk About Leaving

Someone once asked me why, after so many years, I still feel the need to share my story about leaving traditional recovery.

The truth? Because I know my story—and stories like mine—can save lives.

For some, AA and its structure work beautifully. But for others, the rigid, all-or-nothing model can be harmful. The media, Hollywood, and even the healthcare industry have promoted a false narrative that AA is the only way. That belief would have cost me my life.

People need to know they have options. They don’t need to attach themselves to a predetermined identity in order to find freedom. They need to know that recovery, like life itself, can be flexible. They need to know they can have a say.

And that say? That’s where real transformation begins.

About the Author

Teresa Rodden is a coach and writer dedicated to helping women in their prime reconnect with their true selves and create lives of purpose and meaning. As the creator of the 28 Day Resolve program, she offers compassionate support for those seeking recovery from harmful patterns, including overuse of alcohol, food, or other behaviors. Her work focuses on reducing stigma and shame, encouraging women to embrace their brilliance, and guiding them toward a path of authenticity and fulfillment. Connect with Teresa for inspiration and practical tools to rediscover your best self.